My Attempted Death

went to the train tracks at night
put the duct tape on my mouth
to stifle the sound
tied rope knots around my wrists with my teeth
and waited for someone to strike me down

hours passed
as I watched the constellations dance across the sky
hours passed
and nothing happened
no one came for me
as my saliva loosened my mouth restraint
and my little wrists easily eventually broke free

###

put my head in the oven
waiting for the gas to consume me
woke up hours later
in the fetal position on the floor
with only the faint smell like a kitchen pilot light
flickered out

###

i even let my car
sit still on a road
while other cars decided to play
like we were electric bumper cars
knock me around,
push me over a hundred feet
but the electric line
for my little electric bumper car disconnected
and this could have been my chance

but those mechanics at the local hospital
couldn't leave it at that
and forced me to keep pushing myself to that edge
over and over again