Ten Minutes

I watched a cartoon
where a boy was caught shoplifting
he stole a game for himself
and he made up to his mom for it
by getting a picture of himself in a frame
and his mom was so proud

and all I could think of
was that I stole something once
and my parents made me feel like hell for it
and I wasn't getting a game for myself
I was getting them Christmas presents
everyone made me feel
as if I had to spend
as much money as everyone else

      and everyone else had a job
      and was an adult
      and I was a kid
      and I was twelve
      and I had fifteen people to buy presents for

but I was getting THEM presents
because they made me feel
like I had to be more than an adult
to compete with them
to compete for them
and it never won
and I never won
and I'm still not winning

so is this part of why I'm so messed up?
so is this why I'm an overachiever
so is this why I do so much
so is this why I feel the need
to always succeed?

I always do,
but is it always at my cost?